Thursday, February 14, 2008

Note To Hollwyood: "KNOCK IT OFF!"

I have but one thing to say to those who are called "Hollywood Executives". STOP RUINING MY CHILDHOOD! The video above is a trailer for the new Knight Rider made for TV movie, which is double talk for here is a video of a piece of your youth being twisted and distorted for the sake of selling Ford Mustangs.

Here is a brief history of how this plague of idea re-hashing came about! They managed to destroy the classics like "The Beverly Hill Billies" and "The Brady Bunch" and the "Flintstones" with re-makes in the late 1990's. Despite the blatant destruction of the legacy of those shows, idiots in states called Iowa turned out in droves to watch them. This translated into dollar signs. Somewhere along the line, a top Studio Exec carved a new commandment into the stone. RE-Make = Money! So, they've been screwing things over for the last ten years with re-make after re-make. When we started to catch on around the time it was announced Jessica Simpson would be in a Dukes of Hazard re-make (yes, the very thought makes me dizzy) they stopped calling them re-makes and started calling them re-inventions in order trick us poor dumbies into watching. The bottom line is, they've run out of ideas, and so they are going through their back catalog hoping to find something that will force us to take some interest in what is on Television. It's like watching Michael Jackson unveil a new nose with his fingers crossed hoping we will not notice that he resembles a glass of milk. Maybe it's just me, but I would watch more TV if they stopped pulling shows like Arrested Development in lieu of shows based on the Cavemen from the Geico Commercials.

However, this time they have gone too far... A new Knight Rider??? NBC, did you learn nothing from your Bionic Woman series... you are incapable of making this work or interesting... you already tried a Knight Rider re-boot with Knight Rider 2000 and guess what... it failed? Why, because my Uncle Jack had a talking Nissan 300Z in 1986! Talking cars are about as amazing to me as... let's see... a phone that doesn't need to be connected to the wall with a chord and yet it is fully functional and I can use it to talk to people whenever I want... and oh, wait, I have one of those? It's in my pocket? Really? The future is amazing!

(Imagine a vein on my forehead the size of the Panama Canal!)

Nothing is sacred in the face of advertising.

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